I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
