the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
