If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
