why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
