When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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