If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
