I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
