I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
