He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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