We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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