im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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