So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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