How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
