I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
