no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
