"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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