we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
