ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
