she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
