and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
