I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
