Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
