oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
