I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
