I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
