I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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