So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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