mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
