There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
