i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
