Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
