Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
