So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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