No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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