she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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