Nicole vs. Life
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
