No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
