i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
