So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
