ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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