So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
