if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
