i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
