Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
