I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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