Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
