puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
