dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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