Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
