What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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