that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
