I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
